A personal interpretation of Matthew 5:46: For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?
In the mid-70s, as a very young Christian in California, I immersed myself in Christian activity. I had to do something Christian every night: Bible study, feed the homeless, etc. We attended a nursing home one night to spend time with the residents. I had no idea what I was in for. I walked up to a very old, bedridden woman to say hello. She grabbed my hand as tightly as possible and pleaded, “Just tell me you love me. I know you don’t mean it, but just tell me.” I was shellshocked. As she held my hand in desperation, all the pain and loneliness of that woman flooded into me. In one moment of connection, I experienced years of loss and neglect. I imagined she was rejected by her children and left in that nursing home to rot and die. I was 21 and not ready for that level of suffering. It was one of the most uncomfortable and awkward moments of my life.
I blurted out a nervous “I love you” and left quickly. That was the last time I ever went. I could not handle that kind of agony. As time passed, I worked in Christian summer camps, became a youth director, and realized I enjoyed “happy” good works like playing with kids or taking them to an amusement park. I didn’t want to spend my time helping the old and forgotten in nursing homes or on skid row.
Much of my “humanitarian aid” work involves playing with the kids, taking them to amusement parks and pools, and buying them gifts. I tell the guardians, “You can buy necessities, but I’m getting them candy and toys.” I love going into the store and saying, “Get whatever you want.” They look at the translator, puzzled as if they misunderstood; then they laugh and run all over the store in crazed excitement. It’s a short opportunity to give a moment of pure joy in a difficult life. Their joy is my joy.
Total Depravity states that all our good works are selfish because they fulfill a need. In this theology, even a nurse who dedicates her life to helping others does it for the joy they receive. Therefore, that self-sacrifice is selfish. BUT, to clarify, this doesn’t change the importance of the fact that it’s good work. It only exposes the motive. Good works done selfishly are still good works. If everyone in the world helped one person, everyone would receive help.
So then, back to the verse above. Is it a strike against me if I only engage in good works that are pleasurable to me? Will there be no reward for me unless I do work I dislike or am uncomfortable with? It’s possible. Why should I be rewarded for giving gifts to children if I’m only doing what I love anyway? I already have my reward.
T